funless 'fun'

two days ago it was my 26th birthday. god, i am glad it's over. birthdays, or almost any celebration for that matter, have so much pressure surrounding them they have barely any meaning. you just do them because you have to, hardly because you want to.
my favorite new years eve that i have ever experienced went something like this. 1) go to work. 2) come home from work and do not answer any phone calls. 3) have a hot bath and a glass of wine. 4) go to bed before midnight. it was the best decision i ever made. well, perhaps not the best decision ever, but it was not regretted one bit.
it seems when ever there is an occasion or something that has a title or a reason attached to it the fun that is had never equals the fun that was expected. the real fun happens when you least expect it. it happens when it is just a group of friends sitting around and saying 'what do you want to do?' and then one friend says, 'we could do X.' and you all agree and you go and do X. and then crazy things happen and you all wake up the next day and say, 'wow, that was fun.' (or something of the like.) but being very, very virgo spontaneous things rarely happen in my life. i don't let them. maybe that's why the fun has left me.
i need to find the fun. i need to find the waist i had 3 years ago. i need to find some money. i need to find myself.