wasted

i find this horrible to think, much less say, but my sister is angering more and more on a daily basis. she has, essentially, wasted her life. she is 33 years old and has nothing to show for it. NOTHING. she has had several, several boyfriends over her lifetime. she gave a child up for adoption when she was 18. she kept the next child (who now lives with her drug addicted father because the courts decided he was a better caregiver than my sister.) and she has had many other pregnancy scares and miscarriges. the longest she has kept a job is about a month. she quit that one because she could get the weekend off to go away with her boyfriend so she stopped showing up. he dumped her shortly after.
most recently she got a job at a hotel downtown which she was very excited about. she was to be a dishwasher (the only job at 33 years old she can get) and it even had health benefits and guaranteed raises. in other words it was a good job, for her. she didn't show up for her first day because she was hanging out with her boyfriend. she was in love with him 2 weeks after meeting him. i heard her telling him on the phone on morning at 2 am while she was drunk. she loved him. she couldn't stand being away from him. that was just over a month ago.
they aren't together anymmore.
the part that pisses me off the most, that i just thought about, is that my sister is adopted. her natural birth parents gave her up in the hope that she would have a better life than they could ever give her. they gave her a chance. and now 33 years later she has essnetially taken that chance, shit on it, and flushed it down the toilet. her life, for all intents and purposes, is almost half over. she is half way to retirement!
i pity her most of all. she meets these guys and takes their attention. she needs their attention. she needs them to fill her up inside because somewhere along the way she lost the ability to do that for herself. so she is at their whim. they date her. they play house for a few months. the guy gets tired of taking care of her so they dump her. and she, because she has no feet to stand on, falls. every single time. until the next guy comes along and takes care of her for a while.
i wonder what she thinks. i wonder where she thinks she will be when she is 50 years old. i wonder why she is allowed to do whatever she wants and i have to work 6 days a week for minimum wage. what makes her so special that she gets to say 'fuck you everyone i'm going to stay with my friends for 3 weeks. i don't need to get a job!'
so she drifts. everywhere. she stays with my mom. she stays with a friend. she stays with her boyfriend that she is always in love with. she passes herself around in the hope that sometime she may get it right.